There were many sides to dating Xayah and Rakan. There were car rides to clubs and museums and small towns with spooky stories. There were constant invitations to concerts for him and his friends. There was a drawer with his spare clothes and, most recently, a key in case he wanted to drop in whenever he wanted. There were morning runs and there were movie nights. There were nights of mind blowing sex and slow mornings-after.
To say these had been the best months of his life wouldn't be a reach. Not only was Sett crazy in love with his partners, but he was also having a great creative moment with the band. Things were looking up: they were writing a lot, practicing more than ever, and they had finally gotten past the hurdles of moving in together.
Everything was going well, which is why Sett was surprised to wake up to an empty bed on a cold Friday morning. On very cold days, there would be no morning run and they would indulge in an hour of uninterrupted good times. Sett was quite fond of those mornings.
He got dressed quickly, stealing one of Rakan's hoodies, and went to the living room, where he found Xayah lying on the sofa with a wet cloth over her eyes. Rakan was cooking something in the kitchen, so Sett went to him first.
"What happened to Xayah?" He asked after kissing Rakan good morning.
"Headache, nauseous, general malaise," Rakan said, chopping a carrot in matchsticks. "I'm cooking something light for her. Why don't you go check if she wants to drink something? Last I asked her, tea made her nauseous."
Sett nodded and did as Rakan asked, asking Xayah if she wanted to drink anything. She groaned and said, "I want a chocolate milkshake but if I drink one I'll probably barf again."
"Sexy," Sett teased.
"I'm so unsexy right now," she said, lifting the rag on her eyes to look at Sett. "You, on the other hand…"
"I'll still be here when you feel better, I promise." He sat on the arm of the sofa, careful not to bother her. "Would this situation be improved by trash TV and a foot massage?"
Xayah smiled at him before covering her eyes with the rag again. "Maybe later. My head hurts and everything is spinning. Tell Rakan to hold the soup, but you two eat something. All I want to do is lie in the dark."
Sett left Xayah in the sofa and went to the kitchen to relay the information to Rakan who shrugged and started putting ingredients away. Sett gave him a hand with the clean up and they ended up eating toast and cereal for breakfast while Xayah rested in the living room.
"Do you have rehearsal today?" Sett asked.
"Xayah already called in sick. I'd stay with her but we have two shows next week and I don't really have an excuse."
"I can stay with her," Sett offered.
"You have rehearsal. I know this because Kayn sent me a message saying you should be there at 10 or risk Alune's fury."
"She's been out manager for a month, I'm not afraid of her," he replied. "That said, you're right, I should get going."
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Xayah anxiously called for them.
Rakan was the first one to make it to the living room. "What is it? What's wrong?" he asked.
Xayah, now sitting on the sofa counting with her fingers, looked on the verge of a full blown panic attack. "What day is it?"
"Friday," the guys answered at the same time.
"What date is it?" she pushed.
"The eighteenth," Rakan supplied. "Why? What's wrong?"
She took her phone and scrolled through her apps until she found what she was looking for. "Oh my God, please not this."
Sett watched Rakan freeze in place as he got a glimpse of Xayah's phone. Sett, completely lost on what was happening, went to stand next to the sofa to get a look at what was so terrible.
Xayah had left her phone on the table and Sett could see a calendar that had the previous week highlighted in blue.
"Can I get an explanation for the panic or—?"
"My period is late," she interrupted. "And I just happened to feel nauseous? I don't like what's adding up here."
Sett's insides went cold. No, no, no. This was definitely not part of any of his plans. Xayah and Rakan looked like this was definitely not part of any of their plans either. Maybe there was a universe out there where this happened 10 years later in which this would be excellent news to wake up to. They had only been official for eight months, for fuck's sake, they were not ready to take any step further in their relationship.
"Okay, there's no need to panic," Rakan said. "We're not panicking. I'm gonna go to the pharmacy, you two stay put. And no panicking, okay?"
Xayah nodded, so Sett went to sit next to her, grabbing her hand before she started biting her nails. Rakan was gone in a moment, leaving them in the most awkward, tense silence they'd ever been in.
Distractedly, Sett asked "would it be so bad?"
"Now? Yes," Xayah replied without hesitation. "Maybe in a few years I could do it, but not now. I can't do it. I won't."
"Okay," Sett reassured her. "You don't have to do anything you don't want. We'll figure this out."
Xayah leaned her head on his shoulder with a sigh. "I've thought about it, you know? You and Rakan will be great dads someday. If you can wait on me to be ready, I'd be honored to be part of that family, but I'm not there yet."
"As far as I'm concerned, you and Rakan are already part of my family, I don't need imaginary kids to complete the picture," Sett said. "Besides, it's not like I'm ready to be a father yet."
"You'd figure it out soon enough," she countered. "Rakan would probably figure it out first because he's wired like that."
"Maybe we should have less hectic schedules before planning for a family, don't you think?"
"I thought we already were a family."
"We are," he insists. "You two are my people. I'd take a bullet for you."
"I didn't realize someone was shooting," Xayah teased.
"It's a metaphor."
"Should I worry about your band if those are the metaphors in your songs?"
Sett laughed. "As if Aphelios would let a line like that make the cut."
Xayah gave a watery laugh and said "I'm sorry for ruining your morning."
"Are you kidding me? Alune will be happy I stayed here until we knew. She'd kill me if I went home with this gossip and didn't have the full story."
Sett heard Rakan open the door and both Xayah and him turned to him as if pulled by a string. He closed the door behind him and emptied his pockets, leaving 3 pregnancy tests on the coffee table.
"Three?" Sett asked.
"Last time this happened to us we still had to go get a blood test because Xayah got two negatives and a positive."
"How many times has this happened to you?" Sett couldn't wipe the smirk off his face.
"Enough," Xayah said, clearly tired. "I swear they need to invent a way for you guys to worry about birth control. I'm serious."
Xayah took the tests and went to the toilet, leaving Rakan and Sett alone in the living room. Sett looked at his boyfriend, saw the deep frown in his forehead, and reached out a hand to the man. When he took it, Sett pulled him to the sofa, where they sat expectantly.
"Xayah thinks you'll be a good dad," Sett said.
"In a few years, maybe," his boyfriend said. "I'll wait until she's ready."
"And if she's never ready?"
"She's the love of my life, Sett. I don't care if she never even wants to adopt a fish with me. I'll be with her as long as she'll have me, no ifs or buts about it." Sett looked at his hands, unsure about how to reply to that. Luckily, he didn't have to because Rakan continued. "And I don't want you to feel weird about it because it's different. What I feel for you, what I feel for her, a whole different thing."
"I know. I understand," Sett said. And really, he understood, he knew Rakan and Xayah had a history when he started dating them and he wouldn't have it any other way. Sett liked their connection as much as he liked them as separate entities. "You know, Xayah said that if we can wait for her to be ready, she'd be honored to be part of our family."
"She's already my family," Rakan said without hesitation.
"Hey, that's what I said!" Sett said.
Before Rakan could say anything about that, Xayah called them to the bathroom. They rushed as if the building was on fire. She was standing just outside the door with a worried expression on her face.
"What is it?" Sett asked.
"I can't do it. I can't look. One of you tell me the results."
Rakan slipped into the bathroom and glanced at the tests, glancing at the instructions. "They're negative. They're all negative."
"Are you sure?" Xayah asked, cautiously.
"Yeah, they're all negative, I promise."
Xayah deflated, leaning on the wall behind her, so Sett immediately offered a hug. She walked into his embrace and buried her face in his chest, reaching with a hand towards Rakan. Their boyfriend hugged them both and they stayed like that for a long time, just holding each other.
"Are you hungry?" Rakan asked.
Xayah looked up at him and said, "I could eat."
Rakan faked a terrible cough to avoid rehearsal, while Sett called Alune and updated her on what happened in the morning. She agreed to let him skip rehearsal on the condition that they'd make up for it their next session and that Sett made it home that night. Then, they ordered takeout and watched trashy TV until Xayah spoke up.
"So, no baby," she started. Sett looked down at her from where he was lounging on the sofa with Xayah reclining on him. Rakan was on the other side of the couch, Xayah's legs on his lap.
"No baby," Rakan agreed.
"I feel like this requires some sort of celebration," Xayah went on. "We can't just do nothing."
"What do you propose?" Sett asked.
"We have a perfectly good bed, you know?"
"I take it you're feeling better?" Rakan asked, stopping his hand where it was caressing her calf. "What do you want?"
"Well I'm not feeling nauseous anymore, Alune let Sett stay, we're not rehearsing, we're all hot and young. I think we owe it. To sex."
Rakan laughed, then glanced at Sett and shrugged. "Well if we owe it…"
Sett didn't make it home that night, but Alune's reprimand was 100% worth it.