Maddie stared at her reflection in the mirror. The dark bags under her hazel eyes told the story of her new position at work, her post-grad studies, and the endless commitments she had at church. She wasn't sure how long she could keep dancing to the demands of her PhD advisor while still performing at her 9-to-5. Her hair had lost all its sheen and her brown curls fell lifeless over her shoulders, but at least her hair wasn't falling like it did the last semester. She supposed she should be thankful for small miracles.
With a sigh, she took off the crucifix around around her neck and left it on the counter next to her hairbrush and quickly undressed to get into the shower. Standing under the spray of warm water relaxed her immediately, almost as if the strings holding her to reality were cut. She leaned her back against the cold tile of the shower, sliding down until she was sitting with her knees drawn to her chest. Her eyes closed momentarily as she tried to wash the exhaustion away.
Open your eyes, a voice inside her head whispered.
It did not sound like her voice.
Hello? she said inside her head, opening her eyes, but, of course, no one answered.
Maddie took a deep breath and stood up, feeling as if her body was carrying the weight of the world. After she rinsed off, she stood in front of the mirror, naked. She ran her hand down the curve of her breasts, down the planes of her stomach, stopping when she encountered the coarse hair of her pubes. Something like guilt rose at the back of her throat.
The same voice spoke in her head again. You're beautiful, Maddie.
Maddie startled and let her hand fall to her side. She leaned forward, inspecting her face in the mirror, but nothing had changed.
She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body, walking to her room. After she had changed into her pajamas, Maddie glanced at her desk and the books that were waiting for her. Without thinking much about it, she got into bed and turned her back on the desk.
Her mind hummed in satisfaction even as her stomach twisted with guilt.
The birds seemed more scared of her than Maddie was of her.
That was new.
She usually had stress dreams of being chased by birds, birds that scratched and bit and screamed in her ears as she tried to get away. Now, Maddie was chasing the small birds away as she ran behind them. It seemed as if the birds were always a few inches out of her grasp, her fingers brushing their feathers as they escaped.
Maddie felt the adrenaline course through her veins at the thought of grabbing one of the terrible birds and squishing it between her fingers. Her heart beat faster and she jumped. She felt weightless, as if she could fly to catch the birds in her hands, in her mouth. She jumped again, higher this time, and she caught a small blue bird in her hand.
The wretched thing struggled in her hand, but Maddie was stronger now. Her grasp on the bird tightened until something snapped, breaking in her hand. When Maddie looked, the bird had gone still.
A chill went down her spine, and Maddie let go of the bird. She glanced around until her eyes pinned a new bird. She jumped —high, high, high— and caught a new bird. This one pecked at her hand furiously, drawing blood, but Maddie was stronger. Her hand tightened around the bird until the animal stilled. She kept squishing, until its tiny body exploded in a shower of guts and feathers.
She woke up with a start.
Her eyes focused on the feathers raining around her room. There were no birds in sight.
Maddie sat up and grabbed one of the feathers. Real. Soft but solid between her fingers. When Maddie noticed the blood staining her fingertips, she screamed.
At the back of her mind, the same voice that she heard the night before said, you are so, so pretty.
Maddie's scream died in her throat.
"Hello?" she asked.
Her voice echoed in the empty apartment.
The next day, Maddie caught her reflection in one of the mirrors at the soup kitchen and did a double take. She looked healthy and well-rested in a way she hadn't seen herself in months. Her eyes went to the base of her throat, at the point where her crucifix usually rested high on her chest, and she shivered. She never left her home without it; a wave of guilt washed over her.
As soon as she finished her shift, she sprinted home, scared that, without her cross, someone would know about the feathers in her room.
By the time she made it to her apartment, her heart was racing. The voice in her head said what's the rush, my love?
Maddie shook her head, dropped her bag on the floor, and went to the bathroom. Her eyes caught sight of the crucifix on the counter but something in her chest told her she should not touch it.
She washed her hands and splashed cold water on her face to calm down. Her fingers hovered on top of the cross for a long time before she dared to touch it.
Maddie hissed when it burned her skin, pulling her hand away immediately.
Don't do that, the voice said, in a chiding tone. I thought we were having fun.
"Who are you?" Her voice trembled pathetically.
Your people call me Naamah, the voice said. But you can call me whatever you like.
"Please leave," Maddie said, trying to sound like she meant it.
That's not how it works, I'm afraid.
Maddie placed her index finger back on the cross. It hurt, but the voice in her head quieted. Decidedly, she took the crucifix between her fingers and undid the clasp, intending to put it back around her neck.
She kept her eyes on her reflection as she put the necklace around her neck, but she dropped the crucifix when she noticed her eyes looked like two pools of endless black.
Stop, Nammah said. Look at your hands. You're ruining them.
Maddie took a look at the tips of her fingers. They looked blistered and bloody. She opened the faucet and let the cold water sooth the pain in her hands. She was crying, and the voice in her head offered comfort in the form of mumbled encouraging words.
Once her hands were scrubbed raw, Maddie stopped. She took off her clothes and jumped in the shower to wash the feeling of wrongness out of her. When she came out, her head was blissfully silent.
This time she dreamed of mice running away from her, squeaking as Maddie squished them between her hands.
When Maddie woke up again, her fingers were stained with dried blood.
She didn't say anything as she showered, and the nagging feeling of being watched in the shower did not leave her the entire time.
Your body is a temple, the voice said. You should not cover it with useless clothing.
Maddie ignored the voice, shrugging into a blouse. She made sure to get all the buttons, even the one at the base of her throat, the one that made her clothes feel stiff and suffocating.
The voice in her head made a noise of disapproval.
Maddie bought a padlock for her room.
When she went to sleep, it was closed, locked with a key hidden under a loose board next to her nightstand.
This time she dreamed of snakes.
As she woke up the next day, Maddie felt her stomach lurch, and she barely managed to make it to the toilet to be sick. Her hands were sticky with blood.
Days turned into weeks, and the breeze went from cool and comforting to a biting, crisp cold that chilled her insides. Maddie bought a new lock for her door, a piece of tech that she could not really afford, but that promised to keep people out of her apartment with its access code.
Surely Maddie would forget an access code while she slept, and she would be unable to leave her house while she slept.
The dreams never stop, in fact, they only got more violent as realistic as the days passed. Sometimes, Maddie felt so awake and free during the dreams that she enjoyed the thrill of the chase, the screams of the animals she killed, the slick of her hands as blood spilled.
Maddie went to bed after securing the new lock in place. Then she locked the padlocks in her room.
In her dream, she was waking up.
Usually, she was already awake and ready for a hunt when she opened her eyes in the forest. This time, however, her body felt heavy with exhaustion, as if she had run miles before going to bed. She had the distinct sensation that she was still in bed.
Good morning, Maddie.
Maddie looked around but everything was still too bright for her to comprehend. In her dreams, she was always alone. It was the one place where the voice in her head could not reach her.
"Please leave," Maddie croaked.
Hmm… no.
Maddie put an arm over her eyes to avoid the bright light.
"Leave me alone," she sobbed into the crook of her elbow.
I don't think that's what you want, the voice whispered in ear. Maddie felt the air shift next to her. The voice seemed to have more weight, almost a real presence next to her. Maddie turned her head and glanced at the creature lounging next to her.
She was beautiful in the way Maddie imagined all demons were. She was lounging naked next to her and Maddie couldn't help but look. She looked at her long, pale legs, at her taut stomach, her round breasts. Maddie's face heated up as she quickly averted her eyes from the demon's chest to look at her face. She was beautiful. Her prominent nose was pierced with golden ring, and her bottomless black eyes seemed to glint with amusement. Her hair was black and silky, with two big horns coming out of the crown of her head, curling outward.
Maddie's blood felt like lava inside her veins.
"You can touch," said Naamah. "I don't bite."
Maddie got up from the bed. "No."
"Aren't you a little curious?" Naamah asked, a smirk playing at the corner of her mouth.
After a moment that felt too long, Maddie said, "no."
The demon laughed, and Maddie felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. If they were in her dream, all she needed to do was wake up.
Her heart beat faster when she realized she didn't know how to.
The demon reached a hand to Maddie. "Come. I promise we can hunt after."
Maddie felt goosebumps raise in her arms. "What?"
"Birds, snakes, deer. Whatever you want," she purred.
Before Maddie could think it through logically, she climbed back on the bed, drawing a lazy smile out of the demon. Naamah touched her face gently —her skin was warm as a human. She felt as real as the birds she hunted in her dreams.
When Maddie kissed her, all thoughts of escaping the dream dissolved in a wave of lust that threatened to burn her from the inside out. They kissed and Maddie swallowed one of Naamah's moans when she put a hand to her breast. They kissed and Maddie forgot about the guilt she carried in the waking world, letting the pleasure build even as a voice inside her head was screaming at her to let go.
Maddie took off her top, and her pajama pants soon followed. One of Naamah's hands moved between Maddie's legs, softly scratching her inner thigh with short, blunt nails. Maddie moaned when the demon pressed two fingers to her cunt, sliding in easily thanks to the wetness there. She arched her back, and Naamah put her mouth to Maddie's nipple, sucking and nibbling until Maddie's breath came uneven.
Her release caught her off guard. Maddie didn't think she could have an orgasm with another person, much less a woman.
"Yes, yes, good girl," Naamah cooed.
Maddie felt herself blush.
"Do you want to hunt now, my love?" Naamah asked, whispering in her ear as Maddie came down from her climax.
Before she could reply, Maddie opened her eyes in her room. She groaned when she realized what she did in her dreams the previous night. She and the demon had… It would have been better if Maddie had killed a man.
She felt something sharp dig her side and she twisted her body to look at her bed. Maddie scrambled into a sitting position as she took in the scene.
A half eaten deer sprawled on top of her bed. Blood still warm, beating out of its body and onto her mattress. Maddie felt bile at the back of her mouth. She moved to cover her mouth with her hand when she noticed her hands and arms dripping warm blood.
A wave of relief at realizing it's just an animal washed over her. Maddie leaned back, throwing her head back to touch the wall behind her.
Touch yourself, said the voice in her head. Touch yourself like you touched me.
"It was just a dream," Maddie said. She pressed her thighs together as her nipples hardened.
Come on, Maddie, the demon said.
"No."
Her stomach tightened in anticipation. Maddie wanted to touch herself and see if her climax would be as good as the demon's hands had been the night before.
You know my name, said the voice. Use it.
Maddie should have refused, but her right hand found her nipple under her top, so she rolled the bud between her bloody fingers. She pressed her thighs tighter.
Say my name, the voice pressed.
Maddie ran her hands down her body, smearing blood all over her body. She took off her pants and pressed her hand to her clit, rubbing furious circles as the voice inside her head urged her to say her name.
"Naamah," she gasped as she came, electricity cackling inside her room as her orgasm brought the demon to the surface.
Naamah opened her eyes alone in bed. She sat up and kicked the deer out of the bed. The wet thud of its corpse woke Maddie up from her slumber in a corner of her own mind.
What did you do? Maddie asked inside her head.
In the mirror, Naamah saw as her mouth twisted in a wicked smile. Her eyes flashed a dangerous black before they settled back into Maddie's hazel.
Let me out!
Naamah, let me out!
Let! Me! Out!
Naamah shook her head. "Tomorrow, love. I have plans for us tonight."