there's no way that it's not going there
Originally posted on 2023-08-21 on AO3
Notes: You can also listen to the buddie playlist I listened to while writing this HERE
Title from There's No Way by Lauv and Julia Michaels the most buddie song ever.
Buck knew he was staring, but he couldn’t stop himself. Marisol was handsy and she kept touching Eddie with all the familiarity in the world and it felt wrong. But why should Buck care? Eddie is just his best friend. His straight best friend that he didn’t want to lose because of a little crush. That was all this was.
“I’m surprised she hasn’t lit on fire by now with the looks you’ve been throwing at her,” said Hen approaching him with a beer.
“She’s just so—”
“So what, Buck?” there was a hint of playfulness in her voice that meant whatever answer Buck gave now would be used to tease him later.
So instead, he changed the topic, “I hear Karen’s new Mars project is really exciting. Chris and I really want to talk about it with her. Where is she?”
“Don’t think you’re getting out of this one so easily,” she said, waving a finger at him. Just then, Eddie and Marisol came closer, and Eddie immediately turned to look at him.
“Getting out of what?”
Buck’s mind blanked at that precise moment, but Hen covered for him hesitating only a moment, “he promised last year to organize this year’s blood donation drive and now, he’s trying to back out.”
Eddie frowned, his body turning to Buck fully. “But you get a clipboard and everything. I thought you loved it.”
Buck tried not to smile. Eddie hated the clipboard, but he knew Buck loved it and that made his insides warm. He found himself lowering his head to hide his grin.
“Come on Buck, don’t back out of it. It’s for a good cause.”
He did love organizing the blood drive every year. It was tradition, almost: Hen would make a banner, usually with the help of one of the guys, Cap would try to get out of it saying he already donated enough blood as it was, Chim would put up with him with only mild grunting, and Eddie? Eddie let him be as overbearing as he wanted to be, smiling at him —dimples and all—, having his back the whole time.
“Okay, fine. I’ll do it.” he would have agreed to anything Eddie asked him to do. In fact, Eddie didn’t even have to ask.
Hen grinned, as if she knew exactly what was going through Buck’s mind. He would have to find a way to make her help since she so nicely offered.
Before they could continue talking, Bobby called them outside to sing Athena happy birthday. Buck tried to avoid Eddie and Hen the rest of the evening.
The blood donation drive was a success because of course it was, Buck was in charge of it. He even got the numbers of two people who shamelessly flirted with him the whole time, the pieces of paper balled up in his back pocket waiting for his shift to end to throw them out. He was wondering if the blonde woman who was talking to him now would be the third when Eddie appeared next to him.
“Is everything alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, I was just telling firefighter Buckley just how amazing I think it is that you guys do this,” the woman didn’t even turn to Eddie, she was laser-focused on Buck.
Buck, for his part, felt slightly relieved that Eddie had his back now, he could just turn around and pretend they had something important to discuss. Right then, the woman spoke again, “hey, I was wondering if maybe we could go out for coffee some time?”
“Uh,” he looked between Eddie and the woman, unsure about what to answer.
“Sure,” said Eddie without missing a beat, placing a hand on his lower back. “You can bring your partner and we can make it a double date.”
The woman looked confused for a minute and then she blushed. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. I’m sorry. Bye.”
She turned around and quickly made her way out of the building without looking back, muttering something to herself. Buck still couldn’t find the words to speak so Eddie beat him to it.
“You looked uncomfortable. I hope it wasn’t too much,” he said, dropping his hand.
“No, no. Thank you.”
“Any time.”
Eddie walked away to the gym and Buck just watched him punch the punching bag with a little more force than necessary.
He still felt warm where Eddie touched him.
It wasn’t a special day or anything when it dawned on Buck. It was just another day off spent at the Diaz household making dinner for three as they had done many times over the years.
Buck had just put the deep dish on the table, when Eddie said, “what are you offering tonight?”
“Maddie’s pot roast with a twist,” he replied.
“What’s the twist?”
“There’s actually some spice in this one.”
Christopher wrinkled his nose and said, “is it anything like Dad’s last try?”
“Hopefully, this is edible,” he joked.
“Thank god,” said Eddie, digging in to serve Chris then himself. When he took the first bite, he closed his eyes and actually moaned. Buck felt the tip of his ears blush. “Oh my god Buck, I love it.”
A warm feeling spread from his chest all the way to his face, slightly embarrassed by the praise.
“You have to cook this for Tía Pepa when she comes back from Texas. She’ll love you forever.”
“There’s only one Diaz I want to impress and that’s Chris,” he said, glancing at the kid in question who was eating like the hungry teen he was becoming.
“Thank you, Buck,” Chris said.
“Yes, thank you, Buck,” added Eddie. “If only you were here all the time to cook us dinner. It would save me a lot of time”
Suddenly, it was what Buck wanted the most: to be at Eddie’s place always, the one place where he didn’t feel like a guest, where he felt at home. He realized he was still standing up and settled into his usual seat in front of Eddie, who was looking at him funny.
“What?” Buck asked.
“Nothing,” he said, turning back to his plate.
Buck looked at Eddie a little longer, the warmth in his chest spreading all around his body. A wave of feelings came over him and it hit him.
This was not just a crush.
He was madly, truly, irrevocably in love with his best friend.
His straight best friend.
His straight best friend who had a girlfriend now.
Buck was so fucked.
Buck knew by now that no matter what he did he would never get over Eddie. He knew that he had to accept this new reality in which Eddie was in a relationship with someone who wasn’t him as soon as possible to avoid hurting himself even more. Yet, here he was, driving to Eddie’s place on a Saturday afternoon to hang out as if nothing was wrong because technically, nothing was.
He let himself in, as he usually did, and immediately wished that he hadn’t. Marisol was sitting on the couch frowning in Buck’s direction.
“Did you just let yourself in?” she asked.
That was a stupid question. “Yeah, uh, what are you doing here?”
“Eddie and I were about to watch a movie. He didn’t tell me you guys had plans.”
Eddie chose that moment to come into the living room holding two beers. “Buck, what happened? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just— I forgot—” he quickly looked around, trying to come up with an excuse, but there wasn’t any. Saturdays off were Eddie and Buck’s thing, he usually didn’t need an excuse to drop unannounced. “Nothing. I better go.”
“Stay, we’re just going to watch a movie.”
“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow at the station.”
Eddie frowned, but he said, “if you say so.”
Buck booked it out of there and drove as fast as he dared back to his apartment. If he drove all the way singing Carly Rae Jepsen songs, that’s between him and God.
It was a rare Sunday shift jammed with calls from early in the morning —that was usually reserved for Monday mornings— and Buck hadn’t had time to talk to Eddie about, well, anything. It wasn’t that he had so much to say, he just didn’t want Eddie to think there was something wrong with him. If he had to go on and on about his latest wikipedia dive, then so be it.
At dinner time, he sat across from Eddie, Hen’s usual spot, which earned him a look from Hen, Chim and Eddie, as if choosing to sit somewhere else had a grave effect on the dinner dynamics. Cap didn’t say anything, he just put the platter of pasta and sat down on his usual spot, none the wiser.
When he finished eating, Buck hurried down the stairs to catch a few minutes of sleep before the next call, since he wasn’t on dish duty today. He should’ve known better than to try his luck by going to a place where he would be alone.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Eddie asked as he entered the bunk room behind him.
“What do you mean?” he replied, way too fast for it to be casual.
“You’ve been weird the whole day. Was it something I said?”
Buck wished he could lie to the man and invent a reason, any reason, for his behavior, but all he said was, “it’s just— Saturdays were our thing.”
Eddie looked confused for a second, then he said, “this is about Marisol?”
“No, no, it’s not about her.” Buck scratched his head looking for a way to sound sane when he said what he meant. “I just thought we would hang out yesterday, you didn’t say anything about it, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think we had plans, I—”
“Eddie, Eddie, it’s fine. You can have Saturdays with your girlfriend, she’s your girlfriend after all.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” he lied.
“No, no, it has to mean something. You’ve been weird about Marisol this whole time. Just tell me, I won’t be mad.”
How could he even begin to tell Eddie that he was the last thought Buck had before he fell asleep, the first thought in his mind when he woke up, that he wished him well even with her, without sounding like a lovesick teenager.
“Is it because you don’t like her? Because I think you two would get along if—”
But Buck couldn’t stand it any longer, he was bursting at the seams. “No, Eddie, I don’t like her with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you, okay? I’m stupidly in love with you and I’m jealous.” Relief and immediate regret both filled him at once.
Eddie just stared at him.
Then stared some more.
“Buck…”
The bell rang then and Buck made his escape to the truck.
He didn’t speak the whole way to the scene.
There was an insisting knocking on his door, which was unusual. Everyone who would visit him unannounced had a key and the only person Buck wanted to visit him would probably never speak to him again after his outburst at the bunk rooms.
They didn’t speak for the rest of their 24 hour shift, Buck made sure they were never alone to avoid the awkwardness, but he was sure people noticed by the way they occasionally threw looks at him.
As he went down the stairs, he wondered how long it would be before he could apologize. Did Buck have to apologize for this? He felt he at least had to apologize for how he said it, right? Guilt and uncertainty ate at him with each step.
Buck opened the door and saw Eddie standing there with a worried look on his face.
“You weren’t answering your phone,” he said instead of hello.
He wasn’t. Buck saw Eddie’s name and a wave of intense embarrassment washed over him. How would he ever look him in the eye again? Still, he moved out of the way to let him in.
“I was…” he trailed off, waving a hand away as if it didn’t matter.
Eddie came in, only to pace around the living space. “Why wouldn’t you just talk to me?”
“About what?” Buck put his hands inside his hoodie. “How jealous I am of your girlfriend for taking up for free time? Eddie, that’s insane and you know it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Eddie asked, his pacing slowing down to look at him.
“Would it have changed anything? It took dating Natalia for me to see it.”
“Of course it would have changed things. I could’ve— I would’ve—”
“What Eddie? You would’ve what?”
“It would’ve helped me admit how much I love you.”
Buck froze in place, unsure if he was hearing correctly.
“You what?” he asked.
“I broke up with Marisol this morning,” Eddie replied. “I just couldn’t keep lying to myself or to her.”
“But you never said anything,” said Buck, still incredulous.
“Neither did you.”
Buck stared at Eddie. “You.. love me?”
“Yes, Buck, what’s so hard to believe about that?”
Buck laughed. This had to be the weirdest love confession to ever happen. He couldn’t stop himself, laughing so hard that his stomach hurt. Eventually Eddie joined him, laughing as well.
Eddie came closer then, reaching out to touch Buck, his hand hovering until Buck reached out and intertwined their fingers together.
Still smiling, Buck closed the distance between them until they were almost nose to nose. “I really want to kiss you right now.”
Eddie didn’t wait for any more encouragement, closing the remaining gap between them and kissing Buck.
As far as first kisses went, Buck thought this had to be the best one he’d ever had. Eddie’s lips moving softly, carefully parting under his own, deepening the kiss. It was passionate, bothering on dirty, as if they had been starving for too long.
It wasn’t long until they were both panting for breath, Buck’s hands coming to rest on Eddie’s hips, bringing him closer still. Eddie had other ideas, pushing him back until Buck’s back hit the wall.
A gasp escaped his mouth, surprised. Eddie took advantage of his surprise to grab his face with both hands and kiss him again, harder, demanding. Buck loved where this was going.
“Are you opposed… to taking… this upstairs?” he asked in between kisses.
Eddie looked at him seriously. “God, Buck, you have no idea how unopposed I am.”
It was a challenge, keeping their hands from each other while they went up the stairs, but they managed to reach the loft without dying in their haste to get at each other.
“I‘ve had so many dreams about this,” said Buck, kissing Eddie’s neck.
“Just how often did you dream of this?”
“Often enough,” he said.
“Did it involve—”
“Whatever you’re about to ask, I’ve probably dreamt about it before,” Buck said, hands sliding under Eddie’s t-shirt.
Eddie smiled at him, letting Buck pull his t-shirt off. Then he helped Buck out of his own t-shirt, running his hands down his stomach, his pecs, his shoulders, bringing Buck down to kiss him again.
Buck kissed Eddie’s mouth down to his neck, leaving a trail of marks that would probably bruise later. They should talk about this. Instead, Buck kissed down Eddie’s chest, went to his knees, stopping at the waist of his jeans. He could see the bulge in Eddie’s pants already.
Buck felt less embarrassed about his own obvious enthusiasm. He wanted to take his time, but maybe the universe had other plans.
“Wait, Buck.” Buck stilled his hands, looking up at Eddie. “I’m not doing this to get in your pants or because you said it first, I need you to know that.”
Buck laughed under his breath. “Eddie, I’m literally on my knees for you.”
“And I would like to have you like this for as long as you’ll have me.” Eddie leaned down until he was only inches from Buck, cradling his face with both hands. “You’re it for me, Buck, and I want to make you mine.”
Buck swallowed, more aroused than ever.
“Fuck, Eddie,” he breathed.
“Later.” He straightened up, unbuckling his belt. “Now, show me what that pretty mouth can do.”
There was no way this could be a dream, because he could never imagine Eddie, his until-ten-minutes-ago-straight friend Eddie, being the one to initiate the dirty talk. Oh, Buck would show him.
He unbuttoned Eddie’s pants, pulling them down with his briefs, to free his erection. Buck’s mouth watered at the sight of Eddie's pink, wet cock in front of him. He looked up at Eddie and saw his eyes were dark with lust, only encouraging him. Buck licked his lips, then took Eddie into his mouth as far as he could in one go, his mouth stretching around him. Eddie’s hands found Buck’s hair and pulled slightly.
“God, Buck, that’s so good. You’re doing so well.”
Buck preened with the praise. Encouraged, he used his hands to brace on Eddie’s hips and sucked him further down, sucking in his cheeks. It was received with a short litany of curses from Eddie, as Buck bobbed his head up and down with practiced ease.
“You look so pretty like this on your knees for me,” Eddie said, his hands running through his hair.
Buck pulled back, letting go of Eddie’s cock with a wet pop. “You can pull my hair if you want. Fuck my face. Whatever you want, Eddie.”
Eddie looked down at him. “You look wrecked already.”
“You haven't seen anything.”
“Is that a challenge?”
Buck flashed him a smile then went back to sucking his dick, looking directly at Eddie as he did so. Eddie hesitated only a moment before grabbing his hair and holding his face still. Buck let his jaw hang as Eddie thrusted, making him gag.
“Are you okay?” Eddie asked.
Buck nodded, moaning around Eddie’s cock. Eddie repeated the motion and fucked his face again, this time with a little less force, but still hitting the back of his throat. Buck moaned again, aroused by being used by Eddie. He let his hands fall to the sides to give Eddie more range of movement and to touch himself, but Eddie’s voice stopped him, “nuh uh. Don’t touch yourself.”
Heat pooled in his belly, completely turned on with Eddie’s bossy tone. Buck put his hands into fists and let them rest to his sides, while Eddie returned to thrusting into his mouth. Buck’s jaw was starting to ache, but Eddie’s thrusts were getting more and more erratic and suddenly Buck wanted Eddie to come down his throat.
“God, Buck, you are being so good for me.” Buck wanted to tell him he’d be good for him however he wanted but that would mean pulling out and right now he was set on making this good for Eddie. He sucked his cheeks in and Eddie mumbled, “Buck, Buck, I’m gonna—”
Buck just nodded and before he knew it, Eddie was spilling down his throat. He tried to swallow as best as he could, but as Eddie pulled out, drool and spunk dribbled down his chin. Eddie cradled his face, cleaning him up with the back of his hand.
“Was that good?” Buck asked, voice hoarse.
Eddie laughed. “I’m just incredibly jealous of whoever taught you how to give a blowjob.”
“Eh, I’m a little out of practice,” he said standing up, his knees just this side of sore.
Eddie shook his head, then looked between Buck’s crotch and his face. “What do you want now, Buck?”
“Anything. Everything.”
Eddie took his face into his hands and kissed him, his tongue slipping past his lips, deepening the kiss.
“It’s a good thing we don’t have to work today, then,” Eddie said, unbuttoning Buck’s jeans as they came apart. “I’m gonna make you feel so good you’ll forget how to talk.”
“All I care about is you being here right now.” Buck smiled at him.
“Well, let’s see if you still think that after.”
“After what?”
“Get on the bed, Buckley. And be good for me and stay still” he said, hand on his chest, lightly pushing him backwards.
Buck had a feeling he knew exactly where this was going. He let himself fall on the bed and admired Eddie’s toned, naked body as he came down to kiss him. As Eddie kissed him senseless, hands roaming down his body, Buck’s only thought was he would show him just how good he could be, forever, if Eddie let him.